So as I sit here and watch my beloved Dallas Cowboys shake off that regular season rust against the Cleveland Browns, I can’t help but think about the things that some of these players need.  We are talking about professional athletes that make a fair amount of cash here.  So, I will just take that as a sign that they are waiting on someone to gift them these items.

T.O.: A Touchdown

Since the refs won’t give you what you deserve, I’ll go ahead and give you a pretend touchdown.  Can someone please tell me why his would-be touchdown was not reviewed going into halftime?  Besides the fact that I just want the guy to be happy, it was a 16 point turnaround in my fantasy matchup.

Felix Jones: A Welcome Mat

Welcome to the league Felix.  Welcome to the league.

Marion Barber: Assorted Gift Basket

Lets start with a breather.  That breather comes in the form of our last recipient.  So take advantage of your new gift and enjoy the season.  Next, lets take care of your trademark locks.  Behind that breather you should find a set of extensions.  I need to see those things flowing like those goats from Mount Gilead.  I’m not sure who told you this tied up dread look was the way to go, but let your hair down and knock some heads.  And after you’re finished knocking those heads, do me a favor and shoot me an email when you get back to Dallas.  To round out your gift basket I’ll go ahead and get you a facemask that fits.  For one, it looks ridiculous and second, your punishing running style almost guarantees a broken nose this season.

Anthony Henry: A Gold Star

You sir, have made a believer out of me.  Well done.

Adam Jones: